Redemption in the Real World
Thank you Sethmo for a great comment on my post dated 8/31/05, titled, "Good & Bad." Your comments take it to the practical level. It's great to theorize about redemption. But, what if that good & bad person moves in next door?
In the comment Sethmo talks about the issue of trust. Can we trust someone without limits especially someone who has crossed so many boundries that they were arrested for their behavior?
I don't think trust & boundries are opposites. I think they go together. For example, I trust my best friend but I don't give him my checkbook. Not giving him my checkbook is not about trust, but of appropriate boundries. I give my wife open access to my checkbook, not my friend.
So, let's get to the example everyone fears. You've got children and a guy moves in next door who's on the sex offenders list. What do you do? Freak out? Tell everyone in the neighborhood? Start a protest to get rid of that person?
Perhaps a more mature response is better. Go to him and tell them you've seen his name on the sex offenders list. Give him a chance to explain the circumstances. You'll probably get a vibe very early on if this person has dealt with their issues or if he's trying to hide. If you're really concerned he's hiding something, his court case is a matter of public record.
By taking the initiative, you are doing two things. First, if this person is preparing to commit another crime, you've put him on notice. He'll be more careful around you and your family. Second, if he's a guy who's on the mend, you've probably initiated a friendship.
Depending on the nature of the person and the crime you can set appropriate boundries. For example, if they've had sexual contact with children, they shouldn't be a babysitter for you even if they are on the mend. This boundry protects your family and helps him by staying away from any temptations.
I wish there was an easy formula. Each person is different. Each situation is different. The stakes are high.
I commend you Sethmo for having the courage to wrestle with the difficulties in applying the principal of redemption in the real world.
In the comment Sethmo talks about the issue of trust. Can we trust someone without limits especially someone who has crossed so many boundries that they were arrested for their behavior?
I don't think trust & boundries are opposites. I think they go together. For example, I trust my best friend but I don't give him my checkbook. Not giving him my checkbook is not about trust, but of appropriate boundries. I give my wife open access to my checkbook, not my friend.
So, let's get to the example everyone fears. You've got children and a guy moves in next door who's on the sex offenders list. What do you do? Freak out? Tell everyone in the neighborhood? Start a protest to get rid of that person?
Perhaps a more mature response is better. Go to him and tell them you've seen his name on the sex offenders list. Give him a chance to explain the circumstances. You'll probably get a vibe very early on if this person has dealt with their issues or if he's trying to hide. If you're really concerned he's hiding something, his court case is a matter of public record.
By taking the initiative, you are doing two things. First, if this person is preparing to commit another crime, you've put him on notice. He'll be more careful around you and your family. Second, if he's a guy who's on the mend, you've probably initiated a friendship.
Depending on the nature of the person and the crime you can set appropriate boundries. For example, if they've had sexual contact with children, they shouldn't be a babysitter for you even if they are on the mend. This boundry protects your family and helps him by staying away from any temptations.
I wish there was an easy formula. Each person is different. Each situation is different. The stakes are high.
I commend you Sethmo for having the courage to wrestle with the difficulties in applying the principal of redemption in the real world.
posted by Kevmo at 12:21 AM
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